Imagine This: An Exclusive Sit-Down Interview With Amerigo
Sinterklaas’ Overworked, Underpaid, Yet Iconic Horse. Recorded live in an undisclosed stable somewhere between tradition, mythology, and mild burnout.
Interviewer:
Amerigo, thank you for joining us. I know December is your busiest month.
Amerigo:
Please. December is my only month. The rest of the year I’m in storage like Christmas decorations. Everyone remembers me for three weeks, then poof, forgotten faster than a dressage rider’s excuse sheet.
Interviewer:
You’ve become an iconic part of Dutch culture. How does it feel to be a national treasure?
Amerigo:
Tiring.
Exhausting.
Emotionally unavailable.
But thank you for asking.
And frankly, “national treasure” pays surprisingly badly. You’d think centuries of service would come with a pension. Or at least a golden hoof pick.
Interviewer:
There’s been some confusion over the years about your death, retirement, replacement. How would you describe the situation?
Amerigo:
Ah yes. “Iconic horse mysteriously replaced.”
It happens to the best of us, every pony sold with the caption “for experienced rider only”.
Let’s set the record straight.
I did not die.
I took an early retirement package after my chiropractor staged an intervention.
Zwarte Piet wanted me to keep doing roof landings. I said: “Sweetie, my joints are older than the KNHS rulebook.”
So now I let the youngsters do the rooftop Olympics while I enjoy senior feed and dramatic storytelling.
Interviewer:
Do you miss the big night, Pakjesavond?
Amerigo:
Oh absolutely. Nothing beats galloping across rooftops while humans argue about whether I am a historical figure, a symbol, or a health and safety violation.
But mostly, I miss the carrots. Back then I averaged eight kilos per night. Now I get two. Diet culture is hell.
Interviewer:
Serious question: What’s your take on modern dressage?
Amerigo:
Ah, the dangerous part of the interview.
Let’s just say…
In my day, if someone yanked your mouth, you bit them back. Today the horses are told to “accept the contact” while riders sit like malfunctioning metronomes.
And no, I will NOT comment on the blue tongue incidents. My lawyer forbade it.
Interviewer:
Are there things you wish children, and adults understood better about horses?
Amerigo:
Yes. Horses are majestic, intelligent creatures, until you put a plastic bag on the ground. Then we’re idiots.
Interviewer:
Before we wrap up, any message to your fans?
Amerigo:
Yes. Be kind to animals. Be even kinder to retired holiday icons. And give your horse an extra carrot, in honour of me, the only employee in the holiday industry who still hasn’t received a Christmas bonus.
Horzing Around
